We are on a little working Spring Break trip to our summer business home in Canada. The weather is cold, the cabin is cozy and we are breathing a sigh of relief as we relax in for a few days, despite the ongoing to-do’s. It is just a bit easier getting things done when we are outside of our everyday lives, and nice to balance it out with some down time with our kids and each other. It has been a busy season with three careers between us, a hand full of volunteer roles and a major home remodel in the works. We are thankful to be able to spend so much time with our kids, but the reality is that we can be multi-taskers with an electronic device almost always within reach – a necessity I rather loathe and often in fact ignore (which you know if you have ever waited for me to respond to an email). Or we can be side by side at night catching up on work when “normal people” (do those exist?) settle in for some TV or reading time to relax before bed. I am always trying to get better at watching TV, a funny goal some might think, but it would do me some good.
So we needed some family time, and some down time. For this morning, my indulgence on this remote little island is to have a moment to write while my husband takes the kids for a hike on the north shore. With a warm cup of tea in hand, a fire crackling, an expansive view of the ocean out my window and a silent house, I am breathing easier and feeling quite content. There has been some news I have been wanting to share and this is the week. The fourteenth week. Fourteen has always been my favorite number, and although 12 is said to be the safe time to share, I needed a buffer this time around. We were so naively expectant last year sharing our pregnancy news so early before our miscarriage, and many of you know of our full term loss of our son 3 years ago. So this time I really needed to make sure, and sharing too early felt like I might burst the fragile bubble. But all is well, I am showing, and I am ready to share.
With absolute awe, excitement, a bit of fear, huge hope and more emotion than I can describe, I announce the upcoming arrival of the 5th Sund baby!! The 4th we hope to bring home to join our family on earth. We always wanted four! From our college dating days, when we were unaware of the work of children, we talked excitedly about how great four would be. We each came from a set of two and loved the idea of a house-full. So this season feels like the realization of a long-held dream. It has been a windy road, not in the order or spacing we’d tried to plan for…is it ever? It is hard to explain what it feels like to be culminating my childbearing years. I am sure I will be writing about that. Above all, it is a time I hope to treasure.
My last pregnancy, sacred in it’s own right, was a blur of numb coping. I was still in the early days of grieving and the only way to get through another pregnancy was to not hope too much, nor fear too much, just breath and live each moment only by the strength of God. In past pregnancies I had kept detailed journals for my babies in the making, writing letters about their unique traits, prayers for health and well-being and my own guidance, and professing my undying love. It was a whole other layer of loss to have poured words into a life that would never receive them. It was like I was standing at the edge of a treacherous cliff watching helplessly as my lifeless baby floated away from me, my arms outstretched with his gifts – the journals, the soft clothes, the warm blankets – when all I wanted was him in those futilely full empty arms.
But his time around, and not without reverence for the baby I will always ache for, my joy has returned. I feel the full measure of life that is within me and the hope for it to come. I love being pregnant! I find the whole thing so amazing and am one who feels especially good and healthy, mostly migraine free, while pregnant. I winced at the sight of it for a time and that made me so sad. I was too aware of all that could go wrong and desperate to warn those blissful faced bellies of their possible torture ahead. But I am thankful that reaction has passed. Hopeful expectation has returned, without naiveté of whatever may be, but I know full well God will be with me whatever may be and it is too much fun to miss out on the joy of this last season of expectation.
So with all that in mind, three kids to care for, and all the to-do’s I described above, I don’t want this time to pass in a blink. I want to cherish it. I want to be able to remember it. I want to treasure it. I would love your ideas for how to do that well – please share them! I would be so grateful!
I hope you have moments to pause and treasure your season of life too! Blessings!