Category Archives: Bliss

These Days

Fall fell upon us
The bigs are back in school
You and me
have big things to do
in our pj’s and disheveled hair
pull things out of drawers
off shelves
test the theory of gravity
over and over again
with big grins and thrills of delight
over sound and unexpected consequence
big things
like climb all those stairs
and come back down
five pudgy fingers
clasped tight around one
dance to lullabies
and mama’s favorite rock tunes
cry with you in my arms
as we spin around the room
to love songs
written just for you and me
I get to look into your eyes more
these days
with just us two
see you think
nuances of emotions
wonderment and frustration abound
I get to see you, know you, calm you, help you,
love you
(what a gift
how do I deserve this?)
words forming
in emphatic syllables of garbled sound
increasing in decibels with big body gestures
as I guess
ball? bear? hair? there?
we are figuring out our language
you and me
dancing to rhythms
of this precious life
thankful beyond measure
for the everyday normal
of nothing too special
that exceeds anything
special,
so special.
The world, my God,
is here now.


Treasure Immeasurable

There is a time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance (Ecclesiastes 3:4)

On this day, as with many, we laugh and we dance.  Today we celebrate the first birthday and precious life of our baby girl.  Born 1 year and 10 days after the birth and loss of our baby boy, she was born not in the shadows of that loss, but in the light of her own precious life.  At 4:00 a.m. she took her first breath at the break of day, arriving at the fisherman’s hour when first light is about to hit the waters.  My fisherman husband was proud of her hour of arrival.   We were both overjoyed she was with us – healthy, alive, real – grateful beyond words for our treasure of immeasurable worth.  On the year’s longest night, she is our bright light.

“Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the highest heavens.  You have done such wonderful things.  Who can compare with you, O God?  You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore  me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth.  You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.  Then I will praise you with music on the harp, because you are faithful to your promises, O God.  I will sing for you with a lyre, O Holy One of Israel.  I will shout for joy and sing your praises, for you have redeemed me. “ Psalm 71: 19-23


The Head and the Heart (at Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds Concert)

Music swathed over my parched dry soul tonight. I didn’t realize I was so thirsty.  Like a night of lovemaking after a dry spell, I didn’t know my body wanted this so badly.  Oh yes, this is good.   I was parched, and I drank deep from the flood of another’s God given creativity.  The opening band for Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds was The Head and The Heart.  I was mesmerized and amazed.
Sing it! Play it!  Loud! Fierce! Strong! So that I might feel it.  So that I can sing too.
Harmonies that elevated angelic, lyrics that spoke to themes universal yet seemingly only to me and as the pace of the song increased the woman who sang harmony and the rare solo started to bounce and clap, hard.  The music surged out of her so forcefully, so beautifully. That is when I started to cry; she couldn’t help it, neither could I. Her art resonated with my soul, but more I longed to live her passion; to sing out at the top of my lungs, body following, knowing, deep down knowing, this is what I am created to do.
I longed to be her, not the fame or the stage or the show of it, but to cry out the music of my life wholeheartedly.  It has been a long time since I have had a chance to worship; to sing out my praises and perils to God in song.  It is too simply stated that music speaks to our soul in profound ways.  I praise God for these gifts in others that pave the way for me to feel what has been clouded by the day to day.

Here is a sample of their sound, and fitting lyrics for this season and my season of life…


Take My Breath – a Poem to Bird

You are brand new today!

this day your three hundred and twenty first

 

you’re sound asleep

I tiptoe in

careful not to break

your sacred rest

 

can’t help myself

just a quick peek

oh my!

there you are!

I’ve missed you!

all these long hours of the night

 

like days and days have passed

my heart bulges

in the cavity where you fit best

 

my face smiles wide

with one deep full breath

my fingers fold beneath my chin

arms clenched across my chest

 

I take you in

you are life,

full,

here,

now,

and it is my first taste of sugar,

first blazing sunset doubled over still waters,

Christmas morning, and I am 5

 

sweet colorful joy

 

it is you!

and oh,

how I adore

you!


Crumbs

Sometimes, sometimes, it is enough to just do the mundane chores of the day.

I returned to the sink tonight to wash a few more dishes for the umpteenth time this day, the 4th return this evening.  I’m on my own with my husband out of town and I just want to get every last dish washed before falling into bed, to start fresh tomorrow with one area of my life complete.

I am exhausted, falling asleep while I cuddled with my kids.  This long day follows a long night with a coughing boy and a wakeful baby. I hear all the sounds at night.

As I squeeze in every last plate and each small cup to the over-full dishwasher and open the lunch boxes to pull out remaining bits of food from eco-friendly travel containers that must be washed each day to be ready for the next, my thoughts went to the places where my children’s lives are lived; the playground and the lunchroom (did they laugh and eat well?), to our dinner table (did they feel loved and full?), to the days’ stories and smiles, and bits of nourishment we offer one another in everyday moments.

I am overcome with gratitude for these leftover crumbs, these remainders of my children’s day that let me know that their bellies were full, that they took life in and were fed, cared for.  It is one reason I exist.

The sounds of them breathing deeply, peacefully asleep, safe, alive and beautiful, in the background of my running water and quietly placed silverware, their soft skin still warming my cheeks, I breathe deep, knowing, it is all so very good.