Remembering Days

Last year on this day we spread Fisher’s ashes and spent the day doing special things to remember him as a family.  We gave each other alone time and then reconvened at a park over-looking the water where we are reminded of Fisher.  The kids played and we got to smile and cry  and remember throughout the day.

One day that year, when Barley lost a beloved helium balloon and had started to cry, he soothed himself through is tears saying “now baby Fisher will have a special balloon in heaven.”

I was so touched by his remembering and loving thought towards his baby brother.  That kid has a huge heart!

So that had to be our special thing.  We each picked out a color we wanted to give to Fisher and wrote our special messages to him before launching them up to heaven.

In my time alone, the public beach dark at dusk and empty in winter, I cried out to heaven on the shores where his ashes were spread.  I was full and pregnant with my new baby girl due in a few days, anxious, hopeful, angry, heartbroken and hurting.  So much was the same, but so much was different in our lives.

We came home and watched his memorial service, the video we made of his life  and fell into bed exhausted but full from a meaningful day remembering.

I would love to hear others’ ideas of how they intentionally remember a loved one on their birthday or on the day of their loss.


8 responses to “Remembering Days

  • Sara Weaver-Lundberg

    Heather,
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful child. He is just so precious – what a sweet little face! His story will be with me and I will carry him in my heart along with all the other children who died too soon. Blessings, Sara (Isabelle’s mommy – 06/29/2004-06/30/2004)

  • caizooka

    Thank you, my beautiful friend, for sharing your words, your life, and your wisdom with us. In the past 3 1/2 weeks my heart has been in a perpetual struggle, fighting for my son. At some point, when i was crunched over in a ball on the floor of Harborview, while my son was in surgery, I remembered the words from Fisher’s memorial service video, ‘Even though our hearts are broken, we still believe…’ At that very moment when I needed strength, I heard these words and I wasn’t as afraid. I’m grateful for that.

    It is a rare person who can lift themselves out of their own sorrows, find joy, and share that with others. The balloons that you brought us on what was Julian’s homecoming day, and also the two year anniversary of your loss of Fisher, meant the world to our family. Who knew that 5 well chosen colored balloons and one special one that said, ‘welcome home’ on it could bring such joy to our family. We sang some Christmas songs together, and watched as our 3 boys played with the balloons. I don’t think that my heart could have been lifted any higher. Thank you.

    -Karen

  • Ann White

    Dear Heather,
    It seems like your work is going to be so much broader than just working with one organization. I applaud this virtual connection of hearts, grief and healing.
    Your words bring me back. Fisher is always part of all of us who knew him through you and your family.
    What a blessing for us all!

  • Kelsie

    Heather,
    Thank you so much for sharing your personal story of loss. I sit here weeping after reading your words and watching the video you posted. I cannot begin to imagine what it is like to have lost Fisher but celebrate the fact that one day you will be reunited again in heaven. Your faith throughout the worst of circumstances is inspiring. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Naomi

    It’s been 3 years since we lost our son. We keep his day very simple. Cupcakes to honor him. My kids certainly remember him in their own ways through out the year. Often acknowledging that they have a brother (we have 3 girls that we get to raise!) to friends and teachers and other adults.

  • Allison Ostrander Fountain

    Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts, emotions, wisdom… what a great gift you have! So encouraging to me right now. Thanks Heather.

  • little bird

    Heather,

    My heart goes out to you as you search your life for meaningful paths of your love and God’s mission. I have never lost a child. I have had significant loss in my lifetime in other areas. There is never a shared grief. I have found everyone has their own path for healing. The only common thread is the softness of a caring hand or a gentle listening ear. A kind, knowing look through your soul and a trunkful of patience says more than most to me.

    Your writing is cathartic for me, and I am sure others, as you eloquently put your raw emotions out there for all to share. It helps me revisit that pain, and yet know as time has come between me and that difficult moment, that I have found a new place to be. I will never get back to that carefree sense of my life before and have grieved over that, but have made way for a new uncertain self by being open to new things.

    I do take the time to cherish my life moments. Instead of seeing it as “slowing down” I think of it as magnifying a new sense of perspective on what is important to me. Slowing down implies doing less, but I feel I am doing more with my heart and being gentle with myself when I look around as see less of the usual getting accomplished. My family benefits from this outlook, dirty dishes and all!

    You mention that you are feeling older, but certainly wiser, with a new chapter in your life to write. Allow Fisher to give you that time to discover what that chapter will include. I personally am anxious to read it. Thank you for sharing your gift.

  • Tracy

    I do not know what it is like to have a child die, Heather…but when I was 17, I gave birth to a baby girl. Her father was the love of my life…even to this day, he is my love. We were too young to be good parents and we both knew she deserved more than we were able to give…so we gave her up. Not a day has passed that I have not prayed for her…not a day has passed that I have not thought of her…she IS my daughter! I love her from a distance. Not a great place to love from…but she is loved…By me! Her dad died 10 years ago…I love her alone….He loves her from heaven! It’s been 30 years. You never stop loving your children! Ever!

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